Day 15 - No, Day 16

Well... due to unforeseen but perhaps predictable circumstances... Day 15 turned out to be a total write off.  Out of town guest lead to a total burnout from mental exploration which left me with a startling conclusion that I guess I have always known, but never let rise to my cognitively conscientiously active brain.  Yeah I know, denial is a lovely cover up for all that ails ya.

So, in the spirit of getting back on the horse... here is a combo, Day 15/16

Today in my solitude, I will tackle both days of journal prompts and "brave" acts, but you will see below that the "10" things yesterday broke my whole rule of not going to bed before I score a 8 out of 10.  Im not going to self flagellate here, Im just going to pick up and carry along.  If guilt stays with me for dropping the ball I will make this a 31 day challenge instead.

Day 15/16
1. Water - No/Yes
2. Yoga - No/Yes
3. Walk - No/Yes
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for emtional breakthroughs/ I am grateful for Brickfete.
5. Build/Create - Big Ben and  /M*A*S*H and doodle
6. Be still - No/Yes
7. Positive - I am resourceful/I am focused.
8. NO junk - Ate awfully/Yes back on track.
9. "Fix" - No/Trailer
10. Seek pleasure. - JB/Float
Day 15  3/10
Day 16  8/10

Day 15 - Brave Act (actually done on Day 16)

Draw a scene of yourself 15 days from now, succeeding in your 30-Day challenge.
Note what emotions arise as you doodle your braver, successful self.
(Took longer to work through this than I expected, but this was a fun process. End of the 28 year argument, and the 48 year rejection, The end of not being enough and being manipulated by my own twisted ideals of acceptance.)  The tear-down of the walls to hide behind, and the building of a safe mind and health bubble.  Super hero stance, building inner strength, tall, strong back bone, positive thoughts. Floating wings of a self built fantasy, but the shedding of fantasies planted others.  A core group of support just an arms length away, far enough to catch if there is a fall, but enough distance away that leaning is impossible.  

Day 16 - Brave Act 

When you take a shower, notice how the water flows down your skin; notice the temperature, the pressure,  and the sounds of individual droplets.  When you are sitting, just as you are now, catch yourself slouching, sit up straight. Sit with alertness and intent. Take a deep breath, and let it all go.  (The irony of me missing yesterday and today's prompt being "focused" is not lost on me)


Day 15 - Journal Prompts (actually written on Day 16)

What resources would help me flourish in my 30 Day Challenge?
(e.g. money, time, information, training, technology, people)
Confidence, or more so, the ability to believe in my dreams again.  Yes, of course money would always help, or at least reduce stress, however, every "real" battle I have is with nothing but the grey matter within my own head.

What emotions can I develop to elicit more of those resources?
(e.g. creativity, curiosity, determination, love, enthusiasm, honesty)
Creativity for sure, its curative, but I do need a good dose of enthusiasm, adrenaline or good old fashion optimism.  Not my typical "go to" emotions, but I am working on it.


Day 16 - Journal Prompt

Something I've achieved that I might have previously thought impossible …
Seeking out acceptance and finding it for my depression.  I have spent too long feeling alone and riddled with guilt.

Something or someone that will get 100% of my attention today … 
Since the last seven days have been focussed on "someone"... actually a few someones, today's focus will be Brickfete.  I have been neglecting Brickfete for way too long, and today its time to buckle down.  I commit at least a full work day to this and will start a 12 pm sharp with the trailer.  UGH.  Motivation please do not fail me.