Day 31? - Path of mental stability

The Path of Mental Stability - aka What I learned in 30 days.

When a journey starts with an emotionally invalidating home environment, with narcissism, psychotic or emotion neglectful parenting, it leads to very little self awareness or skills of how to cope with your emotions.  The self destruction will begin young, often manifesting itself in taking dangerous personal risks, promiscuity, seeking inappropriate partners or becoming emotionally distant, while all along, the craving or deep desire for emotional validation mounts.  The need for acceptance and unconditional love isn't a cliche, to an empathetic soul its needed for survival.  

Without acceptance a poor balance of mental health results in terrifying feelings around self worth and overwhelming destructive levels of self doubt.  It also creates a self fulfilling prophecy to choose partners that do not have the ability to validate, connect or to even show love by their actions.  Choosing the emotionally stunted or withdrawn, the narcissists or even worse. the psychopath because it feels recognizable and identifiable.  There is a sick comfort in the pain. There is almost a need to choose them because part of your struggle is wanting to not crave the emotional stability and almost an admiration for their ability to apparently live a happy and fulfilling life with a totally void emotional intelligence or quotient.  You are attracted by their strength, sometimes you envy their non emotional asshole-like behaviours and you sometimes even attempt to emulate them. 

Since you are actually trying to be something you are not, there is an entire internal struggle that still seeks the emotional validation.  This battle, often manifests itself in your personality being emotionally charged or becoming distraught extremely fast.  An uncontrollable force drives you to express your emotions in a intense, overly dramatic, or destructive ways.  Often it takes you longer time than most to calm down and often if the invalidating of your emotions continues, the rage can spiral out of control.  Thus creating the never ending circle of the emotionally invalidating environment by literally terrifying or alienating the people around you from giving you exactly what you need. 

Eventually the levy will break, causing the relationship to end... and if treatment is not sought or put in place, another relationship will fill the void.  Cycling over and over. And over.  

To break the cycle a new road must be taken, a road of self love and discovery, a road of acceptance of ones own emotions, a validation reached through ones own self worth instead of seeking it from others.  This road is a terrifying, demanding, exhausting but an extremely rewarding journey.  

Step 1. Begin a process of stopping your own destructive behaviours.  Starting with "emotion regulation" which is the ability to accept, enhance or reduce emotions as needed.  Accepting emotions means also accepting that emotions will change and to embrace those changes.  We have to accept that any emotion is fleeting, from mere moments to hours, it is a relatively short-term condition; we will not always be feeling that emotions. This goes for every type of emotion, from fear to anxiety and happiness to sadness. 

Step 2. Recognize that while emotions are fleeting, you can feed them to keep them alive longer with self talk.  Of course negative self talk is going to keep the spiraling anger or fear alive, the same is true with happiness.  Gratitude is the best way to feed the happy side.  

Step 3. Allow yourself to fail.  Move on from it having learned the lesson, but without focusing on the failure.  Guilt and self loathing for failure will keep you in a failing cycle.  Picking yourself up and dusting yourself off, accept the mistake, state clearly how you will avoid that mistake in the future and get right back on the right path.  

Step 4. Take ownership of your journey and make time to love yourself.  Decide to take healthy steps and make fulfilling decisions that feel right to your core being. While you are getting your own house in order make sure you have the right people in your life, from family, to friends and partners.  If any of these people make you feel bad about who you are, how you live, or why you feel what you are feeling, then its time to pack your bags and move on.  Now, not later, not maybe, not soon... but right now!  You are worth it.  

Step 5, Achieving mindfulness, live in the moment, stop regretting the past and stop worrying about the future. Control, experience and love the moment.  Right now, this second.  As emotions are fleeting, so is time.  Do not waste another moment on hating yourself.  You are more than enough and know that there are people that truly believe that.

I got this.

I am also starting this today.... just for fun.  Smile.

http://loveandmarriageblog.com/30-day-de-clutter-challenge/

Day 30 - The end is just the beginning.

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  15
3. Walk - Park. River. Trestle.
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful I completed this challenge to the level I wanted to.
5. Build/Create - Finished Bridge
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am mindful of my choices and my actions.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Tidying
10. Seek pleasure - Dinner with A2
10/10

Brave Act -

Reward yourself with something nice. Really nice. You've earned it.

LEGO Carousel seems like a nice reward, thank you me.

I challenged myself, I took action, I put in the time, I stepped out of my comfort zone, I took risks, I felt vulnerable, and I accomplished what I set out to do. It is not easy facing fears, and the journey will never truly be over, but I have built a solid foundation and will continue putting in the hard work because I am worth and my boys deserve for me to set the best example for them.

Journal Prompts - 

What was the most insightful thing you learned about yourself in the past 30 days?

I learned that I need to take care of myself.  First most and forth right.  All other things will work themselves out.

How have you noticed your brave training empower others around you to be brave too? 

I have not noticed this, sadly.  Many people I know have been struggling a lot as of late.  This journey, although life changing, is only for someone that is ready to make radical changes, and those in my life right now that are struggling are not quite there yet.  On the other hand, this journey really did open up lines of communication with A2

What is one thing that you are going incorporate into your daily routine to help you live a brave, bold life? 

4 things actually.  Mediation, water, yoga and walking.  The walking may be a challenge when winter hits, and I despise tread mills, so I am installing a training bag just to keep active and perhaps a stationary bike.

Day 29 - Light at the end of the tunnel

One more day... I think I can, I think I can.

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  60
3. Walk - Park. River. Trestle. Sleep Shop. Hanover By Pass
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for my life turning around.
5. Build/Create - Sketching in "Pick Me Up"
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am woman, hear me ROAR.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Cut grass
10. Seek pleasure - Coffee date
10/10

Brave Act

Reach out to a friend whom you've lost touch. Ask them how they've grown and try to pinpoint what the real driving force for their action to change was.

I asked a friend that recently got sober... their answer was so simple I thought they were understating it, until I saw the look in their eyes.  "It was a matter of life or death."

I think we all hit a "rock bottom" of sorts, late 2016 was mine.  I can never go back to that depth, every again.  Growling, digging in, planting feet firmly, leaning forward, "Im here and I am enough. come with me or get the hell out of my way" because I have only one direction, FORWARD.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."

Journal Prompts

What do I notice starting to compound into something greater that would have been impossible for me to see a month ago?  
Two simple things hit me with this question, water and walking.  These two items are making me more healthy.  I used to actually hate water... 29 days later Im craving it and no longer wanting the case of coke that is sitting in the fridge.  Walking is getting easier every day.  Going farther, faster, with less effort.  My only fear is weather... I can do the rain but come late fall, Im not sure I can brave the snow.  Im going to have to come up with an alternate plan for then.

What might happen if I stayed committed towards this growth for another 30 days?
Im not sure this is a "might"... I think I must.  I will back off of some of the 10 "demands" only because they almost start to feel like nagging....  but the yoga, water, and walking has to stay.  It has to be as natural and habitual as brushing my teeth or my morning coffee.

Day 28 - Amazing Race

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  30
3. Walk - Park. River. Trestle.
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for my summer vacation.
5. Build/Create - Tree Bridge.
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am changing.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Errands, new clothes.
10. Seek pleasure - Rock Lobster
10/10

Brave Act

Ask someone who knows you well,
"What is the biggest change you have noticed most in me lately?"

They said: You are happy, smiling and a tad insane, like the women I used to know.

"Change can be beautiful when we are brave enough to evolve with it, and change can be brutal when we fearfully resist.

Life is always changing; I am always changing. Remembering this gives me comfort and confidence for whatever the day may hold. I drift smoothing through those changes, good and bad. When things get stormy, I take comfort knowing this too shall pass and any current pain will subside. When good things drift away from me, I take comfort knowing better things await on the journey ahead.

Journal Prompts

Reflecting back a month, I have changed in the following way …
In one month, .... well honestly almost everything has changed.  My activity level is completely different, eating habits have completely changed, but mostly my confidence is returning, and I have found my inner child again.  Building, dancing, laughing.

Looking a month ahead, I expect to change in the following way …
I would be completely satisfied if I could just continue with all the changes I have made in the last month.  Want to negotiate with the list, and allow myself coffee before drinking a bottle of water in the morning... however in all honesty, all the rest seems to be working.  I would like to see the creative side crank up, but considering we are just one full month out from BF... well I just dont think its realistic.  However, there is no reason I cant continue with all the rest of things on the list.  After Day 30, I will stop recording it, just because it makes for boring journaling.

Random Ponderings

Today was the day I volunteered run the LEGO Amazing Race event challenge.  I was prepared for 200, was told to expect 120.... but in reality, we only had around 30 people (or 9 teams).  Considering I drove the whole way there, I decided to run an impromptu build for the random kids in the mall and the store.  It was a good way to take a craptastic situation into a super positive experience.  Sort of par for the course of what Im trying to achieve with this challenge.

Day 27 - Wonder Woman

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  15
3. Walk - No
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful friends that help.
5. Build/Create - Bridge with Mounties
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am confident.
8. NO junk - Nope, popcorn and pop, at movies.
9. "Fix" - Finished sets for BF
10. Seek pleasure - Wonder Woman movie.
8/10

Brave Act

Answer every question that is asked of you today with a confident 'YES' or 'NO'.
This isnt really a problem for me, I easily answer questions confidently.  I think backing off and perhaps remembering to let others answer occasionally should have been my task... but since it wasnt, I got this one down pat.

Journal Prompt

What can I do today to act my way into more self-confidence?
Since any of my self-confidence issues tend to be more related to body image, standing taller without slouching is probably a good way to start... as well as throwing away clothes I dont feel great wearing. A tad bit of lipstick seems to be doing the trick lately and continuing to eat healthy has been a big boost as well.

Day 26 - Eustressed??? Nice try 30 day.

eu·stress

yo͞oˈstres/

noun

1. moderate or normal psychological stress interpreted as being beneficial for the person experiencing it

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  30
3. Walk - River to trestle.
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for completed work.
5. Build/Create - Poppy
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am happy.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Sets & Bags for BF
10. Seek pleasure - House guest J
10/10

Random Pondering

You cant just add "ed" to any word you want 30 day Challenge.  Meh.  Whatever.

Brave Act 

Condition yourself to be more okay with discomfort by intentionally doing something goofy or unusual.

"Discomfort is very much part of my master plan."

In order to get something I don’t have, or go somewhere I’ve never been, I have to do something I’ve never done. Which is why I’m willing to step outside my comfort zone and do things that make me feel uncomfortable. As I condition myself to master my fear of discomfort in small doses, I notice my comfort zone slowly expand to include discomfort. I grin in discomfort knowing that’s the indicator that my brave muscles are being stretched and growing.

Journal Prompts

What types of stress has made me stronger? Fear of running out of time, magically turns the procrastination off and allows work to get completed.

How can I invite more healthy stress into my life to replace unhealthy stress? Stress doesn't need invited, it comes, like the sun in the morning and the darkness each night.  However, I think the real question here is "How can I get rid of unhealthy stress"... and the answer is simple.  Remove people from my world that truly cause me unhappiness.  Those that are constantly angry or those that judge everyone else without ever looking in the mirror.  This will mean people that think my vision or my way is ridiculous instead of okay need to leave.  I don't need them to buy into my way, but just understand that we all get to the final destination, the route doesn't matter.

Day 25 - Resilience? Bring it on!

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  15
3. Walk - Yes. but short.
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for my classroom
5. Build/Create - M*A*S*H  (last day)
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am resilient.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Build Room
10. Seek pleasure - Teaching
10/10

This project has been fun... its nearly done and now 

packed up for the event... still needs some details

that will be built on site.  More pictures to follow. 

Brave Act 

Put extra high priority on your health today. Be it physical, mental, or spiritual, whatever has been neglected most. Give it the attention you know it needs.
Health is the foundation for maintaining resilience.

I can plan and prepared day after day, but I can't always dodge the setbacks of life’s uncertainties. What’s important is when life gets me up against the rope, I will not give up, I will not give in. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. I will stand my ground and remember why I set out on this brave adventure in the first place. I will take a breath, look forward, and say "Bring it on.”

Journal Prompts

What is the cost and risk if I don’t take action on my 30-Day Goal? 
Simply - Health, self worth and relationship damage.

Random Ponderings 

Truly KNOW that what other people think of me, is totally not my business.

Day 24 - Is that the BS answer?

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  15
3. Walk - Yes - To E/To River
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for silence.
5. Build/Create - Pride
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am persistent.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Emptied van, refilled van.
10. Seek pleasure - Baby snuggles.
10/10

Freedom to be yourself.  Period.  

Brave Act 

Commit to 3 persistent asks. Next time you get a 'no', ask again. And again. Then ask at least one more time.

I have asked once.  I will ask one more time, after one piece of business is taken care of.  Then I will make an open offer one more time.

As I come face-to-face with my fears, I embrace why I decided to face them in the first place. Holding that vision in mind fuels me to act boldly and press on. I don't always get far, but that doesn't really matter. What does matters is that I don't turn around because fighting through the hard times is when I grow the most. I will put in the work and hit it with all I've got.

Journal Prompts

A recent moment I felt like giving up, but didn’t:
I recent moment when I felt like giving up is when progress that had taken 2 weeks was lost in 4 days.  Its hard to watch the steps back but I am determined to keep the prize in focus.  Digging in my heals.  Want my grown boys to know their Mum was strong, not weak and a fighter, not a victim.  I take inspiration from Oma.  I have strong women around me but she kicks all their asses.

What was it that pulled me forward despite the urge to quit?
Re-found pride and my desire to show the few people that really matter to me that life can be ok even with mental heath issues.  Wanting my boys to be proud.   I have a fear that I might have brought my children putting a tad bit focus on them respecting, honouring and caring for others that I forgot to teach them that they have to be their own biggest advocate.  Self love will be taught through example.

Day 23 - Literally and figuratively

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  45
3. Walk - Yes - Trestle walk with A2
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for having the nerve to tell A2
5. Build/Create - Mash
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am risky.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Nope
10. Seek pleasure - A2
9/10

Brave Act

Approach someone who intimidates you and give them a compliment.
I did this, the compliment back fired, however his reaction. I can assume is of small consequences to the process.

My life is created by the risks I take. So I will never regret taking action because it’s what has molded me into who I have become.

Journal Prompts

An area in my life I need to take more calculated risks …  
Work.  The answer is that simple.
However, I also know that I need to take less calculated risks with my heart, literally and figuratively.

How does not taking action toward my 30-day goal affect me and the people I care about?
A2 needs me to do this, and I want to do it for him and myself, to show him there is life with mental health and it can be joyous.

Day 22 - A day of profound changes

This post was brought to you by the letter G - and the number 27

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  Half hour
3. Walk - Yes - 3 hour mud hike with B & A2
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for what being grateful actually brings.
5. Build/Create - MOC
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am freed.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Chores around the house.
10. Seek pleasure - Family
10/10

Brave Act

Today, set 3 gratitude alarms to go off at random times during today. As they alarm, stop whatever it is your doing and bring to mind 3 things you’re grateful for in that moment :)
12:30 pm - Grateful for a strong back, Grateful for the pain in my arm from the bullwhip, and Grateful  A2 showed up before B,
4:30 pm - Grateful B was kind, responsible, respectful and honest.  Grateful we took the closed trail.  Grateful we did not die a horrible and painful death while landsliding.
10:30 pm - Grateful for long evening talks with A2, Grateful for a lovely dinner, Grateful most of the wood is gone.

Something today clicked with the anger...
There was a moment that just would have typically set me off  but magically did not, Not because I bite my tongue, or swallowed my words, but when I was in the moment I made a choice to search for the positives and humour in the situation.  I typically would have been very pissed and has some reaction between biting sarcasm and a full out fight... however my gratitude instead ended up in me receiving an apology and then a collective and supportive ownership from all parties.  Blew my fricking mind.

"When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears."  At least it sure did today.  Im going to actively try to put this into day to day life.  If I can keep it in the forefront of my mind, I believe it will have profound effects.

Journal Prompts 

Something I can see in my environment that brings me joy … 
Typically this answer would be perennials I have nurtured, but.... today the mud on the very long trail brought me joy.  And on a few near wipe outs B held my covered in mud hands so I would be safe, and A2 was so caring it literally brought tears to my eyes.

A recent coincidence that left me with a smile … 
You got wood.  This damn tree and the people its brought across my front lawn.  Too funny for words, too weird to explain.  Thank you tall and mighty tree, for you brought me more joy laying dead on my lawn than you ever did shading my front yard.  

A person I am blessed to have in my life right now … 
A1 and A2 - I would not have made it through this year without the input, love, support, understanding, wisdom and comfort of these two wonderful men.

Random Ponderings - As I looked at the pros and cons... I have decided that one meeting with G was more than enough to quell this midlife crisis.  It was exciting and exhilarating and I truly felt like I was 17 again.  Sadly its a ticking time bomb, and the blow out could be the biggest mess I have ever been in.  I have played with fire, and won, but I am not willing to play with my life.  

Broken Toy

I read this today and Im leaving it here for reference....

"A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control. He needs to know that we are still eager to do his bidding, make him happy and avoid his wrath. He needs to create drama so he can experience the power of manipulating our emotions. As with any addiction, it is exhilarating to the psychopath when he gets his supply of emotional responses. The more times he experiences a reward for his dramatic behavior, the more addicted he becomes. Conversely, when the reward stops coming, he becomes agitated. He experiences oppressive boredom and he will counter it by creating more drama. If we stay the course and show no emotions, the psychopath will eventually decide that his toy is broken. It doesn’t squirt emotions when he squeezes it anymore! Most likely, he will slither away to find a new toy."

Day 21 - Intentions

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  Half hour
3. Walk - Yes
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for R.
5. Build/Create - Song Lyrics
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am humble.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - BF.
10. Seek pleasure. - Short meeting with G
10/10

Brave Act -

Be vulnerably brave to ask someone for help that has already done what you're trying to do.  "We should be inspired by people... who show that human beings can be kind, brave, generous, beautiful, strong-even in the most difficult circumstances."

Journal Prompts -

I would like more guidance in the following area: Employment options after BF
Someone who I can reach out to today to ask for help with this:

A

Owen Sound & Area Family YMCA Employment Resource Centre

Employment Agency

Hanover, ON, Canada · +1 519-364-3163

Closed today

B

The Agency

Employment Agency

Owen Sound, ON, Canada · +1 519-376-4357

Closed today

Random Ponderings -

The future unfolds from the tip of intention. Try to forget that the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

I guess you won.

She looks in the mirror but no longer knows that girl
Rage rises, guilt grips down, bits of pain unfurl.
She was broken, pieces hidden all over the place.
Thank you for making her feel like she was a disgrace.

You treated her like she was horrible and weak,
you acted like she was nothing but a goddamn freak.
Your inability to love is a back handed curse,
every single moment making her feel worse.

You said she disagreed with everything you said.
but when she spoke all you did was turn your head.
You said she was a former shell of herself,
But you put every single emotion up on the shelf

Running in circles, trying to please, she couldn't breathe,
All your broken promises, crushed her and made her seethe
You did this. No ability to empathize, this was your choice.
So stand proud, from your mouth, nothing but an empty voice

She stood beside you but now is running far from you
The long con, the chosen mark, in everything you do
Crushing lies so frequently, you believe its the truth,
But your mind focused on nothing but your lost youth.

Dark days turn to rain clouds crushing,
Darkness is violently approaching; mind rushing.
She begged you to help her, to save her life,
But before you walked away you handed her the knife.

Tears, anger and fear is what you deserve.
You gifted this pain, what motivates the nerve?
Proud, selfish and mean, you use everyone
But in your heartless intolerance, I guess you won.

Day 20 - Two thirds and half baked.

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  Half hour
3. Walk - Yes
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for strangers compliments and flirting.
5. Build/Create - Plants/Flowers w/E
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am optimistic.
8. NO junk - Way too many Lime Rickies
9. "Fix" - Brickfete.
10. Seek pleasure. - Flirting, Dancing
9/10

Todays Brave Act -
Commit to one uncomfortable conversation today. Feeling out of place? Don't worry, the other person is too.

Well how convenient??? I actually had a few of these today.  One in the morning, the other in the evening.

First one was reaching out to the past, asking to work out the last few loose ends.  Mildly rejected like usual, basically a "nothing more to see here move along" moment.  I was sad for a sec... but then I realized. no Im not sad... Im just over it...  being controlling and dismissive is the way he is, so why should I care?  I will work through these last details just as we worked through everything in our relationship.  ON HIS TERMS. Sigh.

The second one was the complete opposite.  Once again reaching out to have a convo with the past, but this one turned out to way awesome... Humbling but oh sooo fun.  Two hours of old times have lead to trying on some new times for fun.  However the choice to drink while doing so was probably not my wisest move, as now Im trying to write this post half in the bag and tormented by friends that are distracting me.  I love the prospect of this call I took... however I am walking slowly and treading carefully.

I am eager to invite others to take part in my brave adventure because though it all, memories and goals are much more satisfying when savored. From best friends to complete strangers, I listen sincerely because each perspective brings its own unique value.  An attitude of understanding removes limiting barriers and allows for mutual constructive growth. I always seek to recognize the potential in others and will encourage them in their own brave intentions.

 Journal Prompts

What conversation do I need to have that I’ve been putting off?
The convo I started this morning is the one I have been putting of.  Its ugly, and difficult, and it hurts.  When you love someone with every single thing you have to give and they break you and then throw you out like your are trash, sucks... but the worst part is the fact that I bought into all the lies told to me.  The lies broke me.  The lies stole my will to live.  The lies made me hate myself.  I have been fighting this whole time to bring back me... and Im almost here.  Im dating, Im laughing, Im loving, Im working, and Im dancing in my underwear.... however things are not FINISHED and its nagging me and controlling me, and I need it to end.  I will do it on his terms for a few days, but not long, Im at the end of my rope with this deal.

What am I scared of that has prevented me from having this conversation?
My fear has not kept me from having this convo, the other person is preventing me from having it. Blocking me, refusing calls...   If things are not worked out by next week, when this challenge ends, so will my effort to actually have this convo.  It can be solved in other ways... I dont want to be pushed into that direction, but this is not a threat... when you break someone over and over, they either are down and out, or they rise stronger, wiser and ready to take what is rightly theirs.

Day 19 - New Month - New Day

Day 19 of 30 Days of Brave

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga -  Half hour
3. Walk - No
4. Be grateful -  I am grateful for the past.
5. Build/Create - New Moc.
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am optimistic.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Laundry, Dishes.
10. Seek pleasure. - I "Callie"d and Soaked
9/10

Brave Act -

In a moment of misery, crack a smile.
As I focused on the past and forced laughter instead of tears.  Staying present and forcing myself to believe that being optimistic is a choice.

"Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be."

Journal Prompt -

When things inevitably don’t go my way today, I will use optimism to overcome adversity by responding in the following way … I will not go into instant rage... I will instead breath into the angry, I will take a few seconds to think... and then, and only then I will choose to react with optimism or instead, if I can not manage that, I will choose to walk away and deal with it later.