Day 9 - Vulnerability Tree

What have you struggled with most during this 30-day challenge?
I have struggled with my lack of self-worth over the last number of years, perhaps almost all my adult life.

1. Water - Yes
2. Yoga - Yes
3. Walk - 7000 w/E
4. Be grateful - Thankful for creature comforts of my home.
5. Build/Create - No
6. Be still - Yes
7. Positive - I am okay being vulnerable.
8. NO junk - Yes
9. "Fix" - Rage cleaned w/E.
10. Seek pleasure. - NSFW.
9/10

30 Day Action - https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
Today, be courageously vulnerable by openly sharing this weakness with a friend.

Today, be courageously vulnerable by openly sharing this weakness with a friend.
Today we basked in our vulnerabilities. We owned them, we dissected them, we devoured them, and regurgitated them.

30 Day Journal Prompt(s) - A weakness that I’m struggling with …

For me... the "never good enough" and the need to save others.
1. NEVER enough .... never smart enough, never beautiful enough, never talented enough, just never enough.  Its a reoccurring theme.  Its a burden.  Its the ugly voices in my head.  Its the voices of men I no longer trust.  Its the voices of my parents.  Its woven so through me its hard to know where it starts and when it stops.
2. The need to save others, not just those that are worthy of saving but event those even willing to gut me.  The over powerful need to make excuses for narcissists and psychopaths.  The naivety of believing in someone that has done nothing but lie to every single person in their lives.  The need to save them from them selves and the even more damaging need to save those that do not want to be saved.

Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person…
Last night was a train wreck, but Im okay.  Prior to last night I spent a few stressful days with a friend, but only stressful to me due to my empathy for everything he is going through.  My heart is breaking for this friend because I know if he doesnt seek real help, his problems are going to be astronomical.  These few days lead to a night of just opening my soul and my vulnerable side to a completely different friend.  In the darkness I shared a part of myself that I have been avoiding, this friend did not recoil in fear or disgust yet we didnt go farther with this exchange.  I know why, yet it was somewhat unsatisfying.

Random Ponderings -  Since my trip was cut short... I ended up back at my van.  The van was locked down at my work.  Being at this parking lot, in the dark, it brought up two other times I was "stuck" in the exact same physical place.  I have left this said parking lot numerous times, tired and ready to hit home after a long day of work.  However those memories have no hold on me.  The hold is from a few specific trips where Im being brought back to my van, because Im just not enough and I need to go back to my own world.  Last night, even though that was not the reason I was returned to my van, those feeling fled into my heart.  Due to my van being locked in, had me as a temporary prisoner.  It was cold, and I struggled to sleep, but even though those memories flooded me, I did not drown in them.  I am enough.